Category: Weird Articles
Published on Friday, 10 January 2014 00:00
What's the worst memory you have of yourself getting drunk? Or better yet, what happened during that one time you got drunk, couldn't remember anything at all but heard horror stories of yourself from your friends? You may think about it and cringe to yourself but let us just reassure you that you probably did not do anything as stupid as these five people did.
1. Alcoholic Runs Into Burning House To Save Beer
Yeah you did not read the title wrong. “I went back into the house like a dummy,” a man from Georgia told reporters after he risked his life running through flames and falling ember to save his beer.
The fire broke out in the house due to a faulty water heater while six adults and two young children were watching TV. Everyone managed to run out to safety but Walter Serpit, who walks with a cane, dashed back into the burning house in a bid to save something very precious to him. His beer.
“I told them to get the kids out and everything, and me myself, being an alcoholic, I was trying to get my beer out," he said. "You feel me?”
Luckily for this drunk, he managed to cheat death and rescue a few cans of beer without getting burned.
2. Drunk Australian Man Tries To Ride Crocodile
Michael Newman decided for some stupid, inane reason to head to the Broome Crocodile Park after he was thrown out of a local pub. There he climbed into the crocodile enclosure and attempted to ride a 820kg crocodile named Fatso.
First of all, no matter how inebriated you are, WHAT ON EARTH would make you think of riding a crocodile, especially one named “Fatso”?
Needless to say, Fatso was not too pleased with being ridden by a drunk idiot and proceeded to sink his powerful jaws into Michael's leg. Fortunately for Michael, Fatso was feeling particularly benevolent that day and released his death grip. Michael scrambled back over the fence to safety where he... decided to head back to the same pub that tossed him out. What.
Pub manager Mark Phillips told the BBC that Newman reappeared with “bits of bark hanging off him and flesh gouged out of his limbs.”
3. Drunk Man Tried To Have Sex With An Ambulance
25-year-old Callum Ward was seen by officials “pressing” himself against an ambulance and “simulating a sex act” on the bonnet.
Not only was Ward absolutely sloshed, he had also taken cannabis and amphetamine before a cop reportedly stated: “It looks as though he is attempting to make love to the front of the ambulance”.
He was first spotted setting fire to a bag of peanuts inside a phone box before mounting the ambulance. He was found guilty of being drunk and disorderly and in possession of Class B drugs. Callum was sentenced to 6 months community order and ordered to pay a fine of £60.
4. Drunk Safari Guide Charges Wild Elephant
An intoxicated off-duty safari field guide was captured on video
charging a wild elephant at South Africa's Kruger National Park. Fortunately for this man, the elephant ran away instead of attacking him.
This borderlines on balls-of-steel and extreme stupidity.
5. Drunk Man Almost Ships Himself Across The Pacific Ocean
The last thing you remember is the strobe lights and then BAM! You suddenly wake up in a bed with no idea how you got there. That has happened even to the best of us, but have you ever drunk so much to the point that you almost got yourself transported halfway round the world? A man from China has.
After a night of hardcore partying in Qingdao, eastern China, Jiang Wu woke up to find himself in a sealed 60-foot shipping container bound for a two-week trek across the Pacific Ocean to Los Angeles. Apparently he mistook the container for a bed-and-breakfast.
While he did lose all common sense when he was heavily inebriated, he did not lose his mobile phone, so he called the police.
“The container was sealed and he couldn’t get out so he called everyone he knew for help and called us too,” a police spokesman said. “His problem was, though, that he couldn’t tell us which container he was in and there were thousands of them stacked on top of each other.”
The man was eventually found in a container stacked 18 meters in the air one hour before the ship’s departure. Whew. That was a close call.
You should feel a lot better about all your embarrassing drunk stories now. At least now you can tell yourself you did not appear in the headlines doing something impossibly stupid while drunk.